Living · Fire


Essays on Identity, Sensuality, Passion, and the Seduction of Desire

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walking round
Casting my mind back to when I first learned to "walk round". Letting my hips swirl around my spine, letting my body roll and move to my inner muse, and balancing that with my need to live and work in this society. This society that expects us to walk straight. Head up, destination known, never noticing the bugs beneath your feet. Never daring to feel.

Walking round is the walk of someone that enjoys the journey. It's also a walk of incredible strength, though that took me some years to find.

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bird song to wake up by
Some voices in the dawn chorus are old friends. The crows, the mockingbird, and the blue jay. Some are strange to me (is that a phoebe?) Some are seasonal, ducks drifting north and south in spring and fall.

But this morning, ah, this morning, I heard an old friend and one I never expected to visit in this space. It was a peacock. A peacock? How did it end up here? When I go on my walk, I will be looking for my old friend.

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and wrapped in love's scent
I caught the scent of my lover on the breeze today. A soft scent, that spoke to me of memory and the warmth of love. In that moment, we were together again.

Then the wind shifted.

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lacy ice
On my morning walk, there was actual ice laid out over the grass and trees. Glassy skeletons caught in the early morning light. I've missed seeing the bones of grass and trees this winter. Tomorrow feels like it will be spring, and I'm sure I heard a cricket this evening.
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Fern seed
Of all the things I see on my walks, fern seed is the most magical. It is the necessary ingrediant for spells to see faeries. It doesn't exist because ferns don't have seeds, they have spores. Yet I will pause in my walks, and crouch down to view the tiny fiddleheads of a fern, as it pushes up through the ground. I will stroke the back of fern leaves, spotted and heavy with spores. Fern seed. Impossible and real.
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Vigil Night
I will be up all night, tonight. Watching the clouds chase the stars across the sky. One bright swath of light, laying down a milky path through the darkness. Waiting for the return of the sun.
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Costume Day
Today is "Come as you aren't" day. Or "reveal the inner you" day. Depending.

There was a time when I planned for this day. I spent weeks finding just the right costume. It was the only time of the year that I'd wear make up or a dress. I tried "come as you aren't" day, but found much more satisfaction in dressing for "reveal the inner you" day.

A few years ago, I had a revelation. Every day could be "reveal the inner you" day for me. I started with baby steps. I weeded my wardrobe and replaced shirts, pants, and skirts with clothes that were more authentic to the real me. Now, when I dress, I don't dress for the weather or the day. I dress for who I am that day.

I've had a lot more fun.

But that leaves me with less to do for Costume day. Maybe I'll dress as a tree, with moss and butterflies in my hair.

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you are a fairy, you are sweet
you are a half-fairy, a cute lovable creature who
likes to dance.


which half-breed are you???????
brought to you by Quizilla
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monsters at the gate
Over the past two days, the wind has moved in.

It stirs up the domestic bushes, turning them into wild clawed monsters, scraping at the windows, trying to get in.

If you tilt your head just right while walking in the wind, you can hear the voices of lost souls. If you call out into that wind, at just the right moment, your voice will be carried with the others, through houses and dreams.

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Falling
Today my afternoon walk was through caramel colored sunshine. The leaves haven't started their fire touched shades of gold and red, but already in the sky is the ragged lace of ducks flying south. And swooping and darting in the wind are the first of the migrating monarchs. If the leaves aren't glazed with autumn, they are at least sprinkled with the orange and yellow wings of butterflies, fluttering in time to an unseen breath.
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